Finding the Lost Read online

Page 44

 

  She’d killed a child tonight. And tomorrow, she was going to have to hunt for more and kill them, too.

  “Don’t think about it right now. Later, after you’ve rested, you’ll see things more clearly. ”

  They neared their suite and the lock opened for Angus. He nodded to the camera outside their door—a silent thanks to Nicholas, who was undoubtedly the one on the other end.

  “None of this makes sense,” she told her husband as he set her down on their bed.

  “Of course not. We’re all too tired to make any sense of it. Let it go tonight. Tomorrow we’ll figure out what needs to be done. ”

  “I need a bath. ” She sounded desperate, but she had to wash the smell of that child’s burning flesh from her hair.

  “Okay, love. I’ll run one for you. Stay put. ”

  Gilda couldn’t support her weight enough to stay upright. She slumped onto the pillows and felt tears slide over her temple, soaking into the covers. Her eyes stung and she knew they were probably bloodshot from the amount of power she’d channeled tonight.

  At least Angus wouldn’t know she’d cried. She loved him too much to make him suffer through her tears.

  The fall of water splashing into the tub filled the quiet and helped block out the echoes of those small screams.

  She couldn’t do that again. Not ever. She’d lost too many of her own babies over the centuries to take another from some other mother. Even she was not that cruel.

  The Synestryn had finally won. They’d found a way to protect their progeny from the Sentinels by giving them human faces.

  If she hadn’t seen it for herself, she never would have believed it.

  “The bath is ready,” said Angus. His strong body was outlined by the light from the bathroom. Even after all these centuries, he was still as strong and steady as he’d been when she first met him.

  She still didn’t understand why he loved her. She’d done so many horrible things. Tonight was just one more.

  “Stop it,” said Angus in the tone he used to command the Theronai. “We did the right thing tonight. I won’t have you killing yourself with guilt. ”

  Despite his harsh tone, his fingers were gentle as they undid the row of buttons down the front of her gown. She’d have to burn the gray silk. She’d never be able to wear it again without thinking of what she’d done wearing it tonight.

  Angus stripped her naked, then did the same for himself. His lean body was roped with muscles, and even though he had more gray hair now, more scars, he was still beautiful to her.

  He picked her up again and headed for the bathroom. “That’s right,” he whispered. “You just think about the good things for now. We’re together. We love each other. We’re safe and healthy and surrounded by friends. ”

  “How can you do that? How can you always see the good in things?”

  He settled them into the big tub together, holding her close so her weak body wouldn’t slip under the water. “Because I have you. All the rest of the world could fall away and as long as I still had you, I’d count myself lucky. ”

  He was too good for her, but she’d always known that. It was only one of her many secrets.

  Maybe it was time to tell him about her betrayal. If anyone was capable of forgiving her, it was Angus.

  If.

  That was the problem. Without him, she’d be lost. As selfish as it was, she couldn’t risk that. She needed him too much. She’d driven everyone else she loved away.

  Gilda reinforced the door on that secret part of her mind, making sure it was tightly locked and barred so he’d never see—never even suspect it was there. She’d do anything to take back what she’d done, but it was too late for that. She was going to have to live with it—one more mistake to add to the list of unforgivable ones she’d made. There were so many, she wished she’d lose count, but she never did. She remembered every one of them.

  “Good news,” said Paul from the doorway. “Sibyl has agreed to see you. ”

  Andra closed her eyes and gave a quick prayer of thanks. She kissed Nika’s head and eased off the bed.

  Paul was shirtless, and the sight of all those masculine ridges made her heart pound. It didn’t matter that she’d had him only a few hours ago. She wanted more. She probably always would.

  “Do you think she can help?” asked Andra.

  “It’s possible. ”

  Grace had been knitting in the corner of the room for hours, but her needles stopped then. She kept her eyes lowered when she spoke. “I’ve heard about some of the things Sibyl knows. She’s amazing, my lady. I’m sure she’ll be able to help Nika. ”

  Andra wanted to hug Grace for being so sweet. She might be timid and shy, but she wasn’t going to let it get in the way of lending someone else comfort. “Thank you, Grace. ”

  She blushed and her needles started moving again, though not as smoothly as before.

  “Let’s take a walk,” said Paul, obviously wanting to talk to her. “Grace can hold down the fort, right?”

  “Yes, sir. ”

  Andra nodded and followed him outside. Dawn was just starting to make the faintest glow against the eastern horizon. The rest of the sky was filled with stars.

  Paul was oddly quiet, almost somber. And he wasn’t touching her, which wasn’t like him at all.

  “Is something wrong?” she asked.

  He looked like he didn’t want to talk. His jaw was bunched, but he finally gave up the fight. “Yeah. I shouldn’t have done what I did to you last night. It was inexcusable. ”

  Andra frowned at him, at a total loss. She even tried to peek into his mind to figure out what he meant, but all she met was a solid wall. He wasn’t letting her in and it made her feel . . . lonely. She’d gotten used to sharing thoughts with him and realized how much she was going to miss that when she left. “We shouldn’t have had sex?”

  “No. Of course not that. I’m talking about what happened after. ”

  When he’d hurt her. “Forget about it,” she said. “I have. ”

  “How can you say that? I tried to take away your free will last night. I tried to enslave you. ”

  “And it hurt like hell, so don’t ever try it again or I’ll have to kick your ass. ”

  He pulled her to a stop under a huge maple tree. The feel of his hand on her arm warmed her from the inside out. She liked him touching her way too much for her own good.

  “You still don’t get it, do you?” said Paul. “I violated you. I tried to do to you the very thing that I kill others for doing. ”

  He really was making a bigger deal out of this than it was. “Listen, I knew you wouldn’t do it. You’re not like that. You don’t have it in you. ”

  “How do you know?”

  “I’ve been poking around in your head for a couple of days now. You’re a good guy. You just lost your head for a minute. No big deal. ”

  His mouth was hanging open in shock. Andra smiled and gave him a quick kiss.

  At least, she’d intended it to be quick. Instead, he grabbed her arms and held on to her, kissing her back with a desperation so strong it startled her.

  When he finally let her come back up for air, she was dizzy and clung to his wide shoulders. “What was that for?”

  “For being the perfect woman. ”

  Andra snorted. “I think you need some more sleep. You’re not thinking straight. ”

  He knelt at her feet and clasped her hands tightly in his. She could feel the calluses his sword had worn into his skin and they were oddly comforting to her. He was a warrior, capable of keeping her and Nika safe.

  If she stayed.

  Her resolve to leave wavered. She didn’t have much out there waiting for her. He was right that she could do her job from wherever she was. And he would help her. She was sure of it. He’d never leave a child alone and afraid.

  Paul pressed his palm flat on the earth and she felt that same kind of humming she’d fel
t earlier tonight. Only this time it didn’t hurt. The power flowed through her easily in a gentle trickle that warmed her skin.

  The ground beneath them trembled. Paul lifted his fist to her, and when he opened his hand, a gold band shone against his palm.

  “I thought you might feel more comfortable being with me in the way of the humans, since you were raised as one. ”

  Andra blinked, unsure her eyes were working. Paul stood and slid the gold ring onto her left hand. “Marry me, Andra. Stay with me. ”

  Shock froze her in place and stole the breath from her lungs. She looked down at the ring on her finger. It fit perfectly, glowing without a blemish or scratch. She had no idea how he’d done it.

  She had no idea why he’d want her.

  “I can’t,” she whispered. She wanted to say yes, but she couldn’t do that to him. Or herself. He wanted a partner—someone who could stand by his side and fight the Synestryn, someone he could count on. Andra wasn’t that person. She failed when it mattered most, and she didn’t want that for Paul.

  She couldn’t be what he wanted. If she loved him, she had to free him to find another woman who could. And she did love him. She knew she did because her heart broke open and bled that she had to let him go.

  “I’m sorry, Paul. I just can’t. ”

  His expression hardened, hiding the rejection she knew he had to be feeling. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, sirens screamed an alarm into the night.

  “Nika. ” Andra turned and ran back to Paul’s suite, hearing his pounding footsteps right behind her.

  When they got to the room, Grace was standing in the doorway and Andra could see Nika behind her. There was no blood, no monsters. She was safe.

  Paul picked up the phone and dialed.

  “What’s going on?” asked Grace.

  “I don’t know. ”

  Paul dropped the phone and went to the closet by the front door. He pulled out a heavy leather jacket and zipped it up, pulled some clear safety glasses from the pocket, and slid those on as well. “The compound has been breached,” he said. “I need to go help fight off the attack. ”

  “I’m coming with you,” said Andra.

  His face was stone cold when he looked at her. “Whatever. But I’m not waiting. ” He pulled another jacket from the closet and tossed it to her. “Don’t come out without some protective gear on. ”

  Andra nodded and asked Grace, “Can you keep Nika safe?”

  “Yes, my lady. I’ll have her moved to one of the safe rooms. ”

  Andra slid the jacket on and fumbled for the safety glasses in the pocket. “Do you need help?”

  Paul left and didn’t look back.

  Grace shook her head, making her curls bob. “No. I can get one of the human men to help me move her. You’d better go. They’re going to need you. ”

  Andra nodded once and ran after Paul.

  Chapter 25

  Andra didn’t see Paul, but she found the fight easily enough. It was raging in an open field at the rear of the compound near the dining hall. Unearthly howls rose up from the fray, clashing with the sickening thuds of steel striking bone. Swords flashed in the predawn light as nearly two dozen men fought off the attack.