Dying Wish Read online

Page 39

 

  She let out a gasping sob and then she exploded, her body pulsing with the waves of her orgasm.

  Iain held his own back, watching her, soaking in the sight of her pleasure. Her eyes were shut tight, her mouth wide open on a silent scream. The tendons in her neck stood out and a dark flush spread down onto her chest.

  He rode her through it, keeping up the pace he knew she liked best. Finally, as the last fluttering waves passed through her, she opened her eyes and looked up at him with complete trust. So beautiful.

  Iain lost his control. His body spasmed as his orgasm tore through him, strangling the breath from his lungs. Wave after wave pummeled him as his cock spurted inside of her, lodged deep, near the mouth of her womb.

  She watched him the whole time, a contented smile playing about one corner of her mouth. He lowered his forehead to hers as he caught his breath, unwilling to stop looking at her. She hadn’t shied away from him—not even after what she’d seen lurking inside. She was as fearless as she was beautiful.

  Whoever was lucky enough to end up with Jackie at his side was someone to be envied.

  He pulled back enough to stroke her cheek. His luceria glowed golden in the dim light, lovely against her throat. There was no more movement within the band, and not even the rough scars lining her neck could diminish the beauty of that sight. They were bonded. Completely.

  If he’d had a soul, it would have rejoiced at the knowledge. Instead, he mourned for her and what she could have had by now if she’d been with a whole man.

  “You’re closing yourself off from me again,” she said.

  He had to. There was no other choice but to protect her from his secret. It wouldn’t change anything if she knew. There was nothing she could do to save him. All knowing would give her was a responsibility to report him, or the burden of keeping his secret as well. He couldn’t do that to her. She didn’t deserve to have him dump on her like that when she’d helped him feel like the man he used to be for a few short hours.

  Iain was sorry that he had to pull away from her. Being with her so close, touching her mind, was a joy he’d never thought to experience. And now that he had, he had to deny himself one more thing.

  “I need to call in,” he told her, rolling away to sit on the edge of the bed. “I’ll report to Joseph and the others that we found the cave. ”

  “We don’t know it’s the right one. ”

  “It was filled with demons. It has to be cleaned out, one way or another. ”

  “And then what?” There was anger in her voice. “You’ll ask me to go hunting again? To find the real breeding site this time? I can’t keep doing this, Iain. I’m no good at it, and it scares the hell out of me. ”

  He couldn’t deny her comfort, not when he could hear so plainly how upset she was. He didn’t know what he could do to fix it, but he had to try.

  Iain turned toward her. She’d pulled the sheet up to cover her nudity. The flush of arousal was still clear on her face and throat, but the languid pleasure shining in her eyes was gone. “We’ll go back home. You’ll stay there while the rest of us deal with the problem. You shouldn’t have been asked to go back to where you were held. That wasn’t fair. ”

  Her chin angled up. “I’m not a coward. ”

  “I know,” he reassured her.

  “But I’m not a fighter, either. ”

  She was. She didn’t want to admit it, but if she hadn’t been a fighter, she wouldn’t have survived captivity for so long. The fact that she wasn’t comfortable in the role yet was likely his fault. He should have eased her into combat, taking her into safer situations, gradually working their way up to the big stuff.

  If he’d spent ten minutes thinking about what she needed, that’s what he would have figured out before now. Instead, he’d been too busy fighting his rage and trying to keep his fucking dead soul a secret.

  He didn’t know what to say to make her feel better. He wasn’t even sure he was capable of such finesse. “When we’re…separated, you need to pick a gentler man. Someone who can take the time to train you right and see to it that you’re comfortable in your power. ”

  “When we’re separated, I’m not picking anyone else. I’m going to live on my own. Besides, you don’t seem to be making any headway with the broken-heart thing. How are we supposed to part ways?”

  He ignored her question because he couldn’t tell her the truth. At least not yet. “Cain is a good choice. He’s patient. Kind. He’ll see to it that you have a life that is as close to normal as one of our kind can get. ”

  Her lips flattened in anger. “Cain? You screw me and then tell me to go into the arms of another man, like it’s as simple as changing a shirt?”

  The idea was appalling. Even now, he wanted to rip Cain’s head off and kick it from a cliff. Iain had to take several slow, deep breaths before he could wade through his rage enough to even speak. “It had been a long time. For both of us. We needed the release. But it doesn’t change things. Does it? Do you somehow magically want to be with me now?”

  He held his breath, waiting for the answer to that question with more anticipation than he had a right to feel.

  “No,” she snapped. “I don’t. I don’t want to be with any of you. I think I’ve made that abundantly clear. ”

  He couldn’t let her think she had a choice. Her life depended on her accepting her situation. “Cain is the man you should be with. He needs you as much as you need him. Promise me you’ll go to him when we’re separated. ”

  “I’m not making any promises to you or anyone else. ”

  She was so damn stubborn. It was time to play dirty.

  He dropped his voice to a low, coaxing tone. “I saw how you were with Samson. I saw the longing in your eyes. Cain will give you the child you want. ”

  If he hadn’t been watching her so closely, he wouldn’t have seen the way her eyes darkened with desire as he spoke the words. But he was, and he did.

  And then desire turned to hurt as she looked up at him. “How can you even say that? How can you so calmly talk about another man giving me a child when I haven’t even washed your semen from my body? Are you truly that cold?”

  His gut clenched as though he’d taken a punch. “I haven’t been administered the fertility serum. I can’t give you a child. ”

  She hugged her knees to her chest. “You don’t even know if I want a baby. ”

  “I’ve watched you. I’ve been in your mind. I know. ”

  “You stay the fuck out of my head. I mean it. ” She jerked the sheet from the bed and wrapped it around her body as she stood.

  He was losing her. She was slipping away, driving a wedge between them.

  Desperation to see her safe spurred him on, searching for some way to make her see reason. “Cain will let Tynan give him the fertility serum. He’ll pay the blood fee that I’m sure is associated with the cure. Whatever you want, he’ll give it to you. ”

  She stood next to the bed, quivering with anger. “Will he leave me alone? Will he let me live my life in peace?”

  “He’ll make sure you live. That’s all that matters. ”

  Jackie shook her head, and he saw tears sparkle in her eyes. “No, it’s not. And if you cared for me at all, you’d see that. ”

  She disappeared into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. He tried to reach for her through their link, to make sure she was okay, but all he felt was a cold, hard wall blocking him out.

  * * *

  Jackie kept her mouth shut the entire way back to Dabyr. A couple of young men had come and picked them up, telling them that Joseph had ordered their return. From the way they said it, there was clearly something going on, but no one seemed to know what.

  Frankly, Jackie didn’t really care. Whatever it was, she was certain it would be one more thing getting in the way of her finding a real life for herself.

  Part of her wanted to give up and accept her fate, but every time she considere
d that, a little sliver of her old self died. She’d worked so hard for so long to keep something of herself alive while facing the horrors of her captivity. She’d sheltered that deep, secret core of what made her who she was, and kept it hidden, protected. No matter how often they took her blood, starved her, or humiliated her, no matter how many children’s screams she heard, or how many babies she saw die—that kernel of herself that made her who she was she kept locked away, shielded by the hope that she would one day be free.

  And now that she was free, she realized that it wasn’t truly any kind of freedom at all. She’d traded one cage for another. Sure, this one was more comfortable, but they still controlled her—with fear of what might happen if she left, or with guilt from the lives that would be destroyed if she didn’t help them fight their war.

  How the hell was she supposed to simply overlook those things and move on?

  Every time they brought her back to Dabyr, she lost a little more of herself. They were slowly eating away at her resolve, sucking her into a world where she didn’t belong.

  It would have been easier to give in and surrender. Let them use her as a weapon. Be with Cain as Iain had suggested and simply conform.

  Just the thought seemed to crush the soul from her body. She knew it was selfish not to jump at the chance to help, but she was terrified out of her mind that if she accepted her fate and threw her lot in with these people, she’d spend the rest of her life fighting and watching people she cared about die.

  She’d done enough of that for one lifetime. She’d paid her dues to this war in blood and tears. She couldn’t let it take any more away from her, or she’d have nothing left.

  Joseph was waiting for them at the door, looking shell-shocked. His hair seemed to have a bit more gray in it than she’d remembered, and his shoulders bowed a bit further.

  “What’s going on?” asked Iain.

  “Come with me,” Joseph ordered.

  He led them through the halls to an unlabeled doorway. Most of the rooms here were numbered to make them easy to find, but not this one. Unlike the other wooden doors, this one was metal. There was no peephole, and rather than the standard key-card reader, there was a number pad and some kind of screen.

  Joseph placed his hand on the screen. A light slid over his palm. Then one LED turned green. He punched in a code, and the second LED turned green. The lock clicked.

  “Brace yourself,” he said, looking at Iain. “This may be a trick. ”

  “What may be a trick?” asked Iain, scowling.

  “Just watch what you say. We’re not yet sure who she is, but we’re hoping you can shed some light on it. ”

  Joseph turned the knob and pushed the door open. The three of them filed inside. The room was dimly lit, plain, and painted in a dull gray. There was a counter filled with some electronic equipment on one wall, and a large window in the adjacent wall. The window displayed another room on the other side of the glass, painted the same dull gray, but with only a table and chairs bolted to the floor. Pacing around that table was the most beautiful woman Jackie had ever seen.