Living Nightmare Read online

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  “I already told you I don’t know. They’ve never let me out. I’ve been in these caves so long, I can’t even remember what sunshine looks like. ”

  Grief for her sister and her lost childhood welled up inside Nika. She was fighting not to cry, battling for control over her emotions when the room grew bright.

  Outside the dirty bedroom window, the sun rose in a brilliant display of orange and pink. The movement was faster than was natural, but every other detail down to the last trailing wisp of clouds and the swaying of the trees in the distance was perfect, as if it had been videotaped.

  “There,” said Madoc. “That was my favorite sunrise of all time. Summer 1803. ”

  Tori reached out until her fingers were bathed in light. Dirt clogged her ragged fingernails and the black blood seemed to flow out of her hand as if hiding from the light. “Thank you,” she whispered. “It’s even more beautiful than I imagined. ”

  “How did you remember it that perfectly?” asked Nika, trying to focus on something so she didn’t cry.

  “I remember everything I see. ”

  Tori lifted her face to the sun, closing her eyes as she basked in the light. “Do you really think you can save the others?” she asked. “Give them back the sunlight?”

  “If we know where you are, we’ll do whatever it takes to get everyone out alive. Even you,” said Madoc.

  “I don’t know how to help you, then. I don’t even know what country I’m in. ”

  “Then stop fighting me. Let me be with you like you used to do. Let that connection between us grow back to what it used to be and I’ll be able to find you. ”

  “No. I don’t want you with me when this thing comes. I don’t want you with me when I die. ”

  Fury blazed through Nika, making her grow inside the ethereal context of Tori’s mind. Her head hit the ceiling and she loomed over her sister, her voice a deep boom. “You’re not going to die. ”

  Tori let out a humorless laugh. “You’re going to have to be a lot bigger than that to scare me. I live with demons, remember. ”

  Nika deflated, returning to her normal size. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just want you to listen to reason. I’m not alone. Madoc is with me. He has dozens of powerful friends who will help us rescue you. You can’t give up yet. ”

  “What happens to you if I die while you’re in my mind?” asked Tori.

  “That’s not going to happen. ”

  Tori looked at Madoc. “She knows she’ll die, too. I’ve sensed the knowledge inside her. When things were bad—when the blood they fed me nearly killed me—I sensed her fear of death. ”

  “Is it true?” Madoc asked Nika. “Will you die if you’re with Tori when she dies?”

  “If she dies. She doesn’t know that will happen. ”

  “You’re evading my question. Will you die, too?”

  Nika bowed her head. “Yes. I think so. ”

  Madoc pulled her against his side, holding her close. Even within this nonphysical space, she still felt comforted by his touch. That comfort allowed her the strength to keep fighting for her sister.

  “What if I were to promise to leave your mind before the baby comes?”

  “It’s not a baby,” snarled Tori, whirling around and baring her teeth. “It’s a thing. A monster. ”

  Nika held up her hands and kept her voice calm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t understand. ”

  Madoc’s grip had tightened and his stance had shifted so that he was between Tori and Nika. “I agree with Tori that you can’t risk your life, but what if there’s another way?”

  “What way?”

  “Did you see anything the night they took you? Street signs, buildings, landmarks of any kind?”

  “A few, maybe. ”

  He looked to Nika. “If I can see those memories, I might be able to figure out where she went. ”

  “How?”

  “I’ve roamed this country for years. I remember everything I see. I might be able to recognize something in her memories. ”

  “It’s worth a shot,” said Nika. “What do you think, Tori? Will you let him try?”

  Tori stepped closer. Madoc pushed Nika behind him as if he needed to protect her from her own sister.

  Nika moved out of his reach and saw Tori’s dirty hand press over Madoc’s brow.

  A second later, the room exploded in a million shards of light, and Nika and Madoc were flung out of Tori’s mind.

  Tori shivered in the cold dark. She kept her eyes closed for as long as possible, holding on to the memory of that sunrise. She could almost feel the heat of it on her skin, the way it had driven back the tainted blood they’d shoved into her.

  For a moment, Tori had almost felt like a real person again, rather than a thing to be used.

  Tears leaked out from behind her closed lids, their warmth startling against her chilled skin. She missed Nika so much. Having her in her mind had been so nice. So comforting.

  She couldn’t let it happen again. If birthing the thing inside her didn’t kill her, she knew what would happen. She didn’t want Nika there when Zillah hurt her again—put another thing inside her.

  Before, wishing for death had been easy. She’d had nothing to live for but more pain and loneliness. But now, thanks to Madoc, she found herself craving the sun and its warmth.

  She wanted to live long enough to feel sunlight on her skin for real, just one more time.

  If Zillah ever found out, he’d see that desire as a weakness to use against her. He’d taunt her with it, dangle it in front of her in an effort to gain her cooperation, then take away all hope of her ever having it.

  Tori wasn’t going to let him have this, too. She was going to bury Madoc’s gift deep, locking it away where Zillah would never sense it. And then, when she felt death coming for her, she’d pull the memory out and wrap it around her so she wouldn’t have to die alone in the darkness.

  Chapter 16

  Madoc felt like someone had snapped a giant rubber band against his brain.

  He was back inside his real body, crumpled in a heap on the floor with Nika. His stomach heaved dangerously. He tried to extract himself from her so he wouldn’t throw up on her, but before he could, his stomach settled and his head’s spinning began to slow.

  Madoc let out a low moan, unable to stop the unmanly noise from escaping.

  Nika was panting. “Sorry. It’s not usually that rough. ”

  Madoc helped Nika sit up until her back was propped against the couch. “I would really prefer it if we never did that again. ”

  “I’ll try to warn you next time,” she said.

  At least then he could brace himself.

  “Do you know where Tori is?” she asked.

  Tori had sent a barrage of images into his head a split second before shoving him and Nika away. Those images were there, in his mind, but were too much of a jumbled mess to make sense of. “I’m going to have to sort out the images first. It may take a while. ”

  “You know we don’t have much time. ”

  “I know. But I also know that we’re not going to rescue her and the others alone. We need to gather the men—go in with everyone we can find. We’ll go back to Dabyr and talk to Joseph so we can plan our attack. ” He wasn’t sure if Joseph would let him come along or not. He might simply lock him in a cell beneath Dabyr until Nika’s new Theronai was found.

  The idea of being imprisoned like that made something dark and dangerous rise up in him. His soul might not have completely died, but he clearly wasn’t rid of the blackness that had nearly consumed him. He was going to have to fight it back and struggle to do what he knew was right.

  Maybe he could convince Joseph to let him go on this one last mission. They would need all the help they could get, and there weren’t many men alive who were better with a blade than he was.

  “I told you I’m not going back there,” said Nika.

  “I’m not going to imprison
you. I really wish you’d stop worrying about it. ”

  “I have to worry. There’s too much at stake. ”

  She was right about that. She just didn’t know how right yet. “We’re just going back to gather the men. ”

  “You won’t try to make me stay there while you go after her?” Her voice sounded uncertain, untrusting.

  “If we need you, you’ll be right by my side. ”

  “Exactly. If you need me. You won’t. You don’t think you need anyone. ”

  “I need you,” he said. “Without you I die. Isn’t that enough?”

  “No. Not even close. I want what Helen and Drake have. What Paul and Andra have. ”

  “We can have that, too,” he lied, unwilling to crush her dreams just yet. She’d have them—just not with him. “It’s going to take some time. I can’t risk your life now, while you still have so much to learn. You don’t even know how to protect yourself. ”

  “I’ll learn. ”

  “Before Tori’s baby is born?”

  “Yes. I’ll go into Gilda’s mind. Learn from her. ”

  Madoc lifted her hand, pointing to her burned fingers. “Looks like you tried that with Helen and it didn’t exactly work out, did it?”

  “I need to do this, Madoc. She’s my sister. I promise I won’t take any unnecessary risks. ”

  As she uttered the words, Madoc felt them settle over his shoulders, their weight reassuring.

  Maybe this was one of those times when he needed to give in. Compromise. She’d promised to be careful and was now bound to abide by that promise. Maybe this partnership thing meant he needed to give her something in return. It might be the last thing he ever gave her.

  Playing nice wasn’t his strong suit, but a lot had changed in the past few hours. For Nika, he had to try to be a better man.

  “I promise that we’re only going back to Dabyr long enough to gather our forces and to figure out where Tori is. If I leave to fight, you can come with me. Okay?” It still gave him an out. If Joseph locked him up, Nika would have to stay at Dabyr, where she’d be safe.

  Nika nodded. “That wasn’t exactly a promise never to imprison me, but I’ll take what I can get for now. Tori has to come first. ”

  “Good. Then it’s settled. Let’s grab Drake and Helen and head home. ”

  John woke to an empty bed.

  It wasn’t the first time it had happened, but it had never before hurt like it did now. He and Meghan spent yesterday together talking, laughing and getting to know each other while road crews worked to clear the highways. Her rental car had been towed so it could be repaired. John had thought she’d stay with him at least until it was done. Especially after last night, after making love so many times he swore he’d be able to tell the difference between her and a thousand other women simply by the way she breathed, by the feel of her skin.

  Apparently, he’d been wrong.

  The note she’d left on her pillow said she’d taken a cab to the airport. She had to get home, back to her life.