Dying Wish: A Novel of the Sentinel Wars Read online

  If she didn’t stop this soon, she was going to end up killing both of them.

  She put her hands on Iain’s naked chest and tried to visualize what she wanted to happen. Poison was just a chemical—a molecule of stuff in his body that didn’t belong. All she had to do was find it, gather it up, and eject it out of some orifice or other.

  No sweat. She could do that. It wasn’t even all that complicated.

  At least that’s what she kept telling herself as she scanned his body for some way to find the poison.

  A muscle in his chest twitched violently. She opened her eyes. The sight of her fingers splayed across something as beautiful as his bare body shocked her. The tree on his chest was so lifelike, she was sure she could feel the texture of the bark scratching her fingers. Heavy slabs of muscles layered his ribs, but his skin was too pale, and cold to the touch.

  Three scratches raked across his shoulder, and they were red and puffy as if infected. He was no longer bleeding, but along those wounds were glowing smears of yellow.

  Yellow, like the spit dripping from the demon’s mouth. That was it. That was the poison.

  Now Jackie knew what to look for, so she closed her eyes again and sent the power growing within her back into him, to scour his bloodstream for this glowing yellow invader.

  She could feel something happening—some kind of shift in the hum of the power vibrating through her. It had a purpose now, and it arrowed in on that purpose, eager to do her bidding. In her mind, she could see glistening specks of energy scouring his veins, gathering up every glowing bit of poison it could find.

  Beneath her grip, Iain shifted, his powerful body arching under her hands. He sucked in a deep breath, letting it out in a hiss of pain.

  The magical scrubbing bubbles had accumulated quite a bit of the poison now, and she had to send it somewhere. She really didn’t want to make him puke for fear he’d choke on his own vomit, and she didn’t think he’d thank her for using the other obvious exit. Instead, she guided the poison toward the cut she’d recently given him, forcing it to seep out through his capillaries until it was pooling on his skin.

  Iain groaned and started to move beneath her. If he didn’t hold still, the poison was going to go everywhere. She didn’t know if it could be reabsorbed by his skin or not, but she wasn’t about to find out the hard way.

  She had nothing to wipe away the poison, so she stripped out of the leather jacket he’d given her, then her suit jacket, and used that to clean off the glowing demon spit.

  Iain grabbed her wrist and his eyes popped open. His gaze went straight to the luceria around her throat, staring at it for several long seconds. He wore the strangest expression on his face—one of both reverence and regret. It wasn’t exactly what she’d expected from a man whose life she’d just saved.

  Then again, he’d nearly died, so he got a pass.

  His fingers slid from her waistband, grazing her abdomen. She shivered at the touch, but tried to hide her wayward reaction.

  He gathered the fabric of her jacket in his fist, pulling it from her grasp. Then he sat up and finished cleaning away the poison, wiping more from his bare arm. He opened the door and tossed the jacket on the ground.

  She thought about complaining for a split second before she realized that she really didn’t want to wear that jacket ever again, no matter how many times it was dry-cleaned.

  When he turned back to face her, his black gaze was steely, but there was a stark bleakness in his expression she didn’t understand. “What did you do?” he asked her, as if she’d done something wrong.

  Indignation made her straighten her spine. “I got rid of the poison that was killing you. You’re welcome, by the way.”

  His eyes closed in regret before he regained control of his expression. “You think I’m going to thank you? Do you have any idea of what you’ve done?”

  Now she was starting to worry. All this magic stuff was new to her. What if she’d done something wrong or broken some secret rule she didn’t know about? “I don’t understand. I did what Helen told me to do—what I thought you’d want me to do.”

  “You tricked me into bonding with you.”

  “Tricked you? No, I didn’t.”

  “I was delirious. I thought we were under attack.”

  “We probably will be. I had to cut you. They can smell your blood, right?”

  He gave her a grim nod, then scanned the surrounding area. “Maybe there’s some way to take it back.”

  “Take what back?”

  “Your vow. I heard what you said. I tried to stop you, but it was too late.”

  That was what was bothering him? “I’m sorry, Iain, but I don’t know you well enough to promise anything even resembling permanence. I know that’s what you men expect, and I know that’s how it ended up for my sisters and the others, but that’s just not how it’s going to be with me. I have other plans.”

  His gaze settled on the luceria again, as if he couldn’t keep his eyes away from the sight. “Then you should have spoken more carefully.”

  “What do you mean? I only promised to stay with you until you were better.”

  “No, until I was good as new. That’s what you said. Those words. I’m better now, and yet my luceria remains around your throat.” He reached out, tracing the necklace with his thick finger. His warmth sank through the band and into her skin, radiating out through her body. Her eyelids fluttered shut, and she had to stifle a groan of pleasure. Even through the barrier of the luceria, his touch still had the power to make her knees wobble with delight. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t what she wanted, but she couldn’t help herself.

  She forced her eyes open so he wouldn’t know her secret shame. The look on his face was one of awe and regret.

  Jackie thought back, reviewing her words. He was right. Good as new. That’s exactly what she’d said.

  “It’s not a problem,” she said, forcing false cheer into her tone to ward off the worry that was creeping in. “We’ll just fix whatever else is wrong with you and it will all be fine.” She hoped. “So what is the problem? Did I miss some of the poison? If not, it won’t take long for those scratches on your chest to heal, right?”

  His black eyes darted to the bench seat of the truck, making him look guilty as hell. “What’s wrong with me is not something you can fix. No one can.”

  Understanding dawned and with it came a heavy dose of dread. It was his broken heart that was the problem, not his physical body. Losing Serena had hurt him deeply. He’d loved her, and now she was dead. Jackie couldn’t expect him to be okay.

  “You’ll find someone else you can love again,” she told him, her voice gentle. The last thing she wanted was for him to get all defensive and fight her every step of the way. If she had to find him a new girlfriend to free herself from this bond, then that’s what she’d do. He wasn’t exactly a cuddly guy, but he was hot as hell, built like a woman’s favorite daydream. She could work with that—find some willing woman. Play matchmaker.

  The idea of Iain with another woman grated against her, making her angry. It was ridiculous for her to suffer even a moment of jealousy, but she was too practical to lie to herself and pretend it hadn’t happened. Twice now.

  Iain’s jaw clenched in frustration. “You don’t get it, do you? This isn’t a bit of heartache I’m dealing with.”

  “Then tell me. What’s the problem?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” he said. “There’s nothing you can do.”

  Chapter 10

  Iain struggled to keep control over his raging emotions. There were too many to count, too many to distinguish. He wanted to laugh and scream at the same time. He wanted to weep for all that he’d lost, and to sing with joy for the chance he’d been given to live the life he was supposed to have had. He wanted to strip Jackie naked so he could take her hard and fast, tying them together even closer, and he wanted to gather her up and hold her tight, where no harm could ever come to her. But mostly, he wanted to kill.
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  His pain was gone—taken away by Jackie—but rage pounded at him, demanding release. The monster screeched inside his skull, throwing itself at his thoughts until they were so jumbled he couldn’t make sense of any of them. His entire body was clenched, dying for a fight, but the only one here was Jackie.

  She’d bonded herself to him. He’d let it happen. Sure, he’d been incoherent at the time, but that was no excuse.

  Good as new.

  His soul was dead. He was never going to be good as new again.

  He couldn’t tell her. The shame went too deep. It was all he could do not to throw back his head and roar at the world for what had been stolen from him.

  His monster was more powerful than ever. He’d been so careful to keep it contained for so long, but it had seen Jackie now, and it wanted her. Iain could feel it stretching its wings and extending its claws, testing its cage. He had to get away from her before he did something violent and permanent.

  Iain reached for the door, but Jackie’s hands curled around his arm, stopping him. The feel of her slender fingers against his bare skin was nearly more than he could take. She was soft, warm, so vulnerable.

  He turned to her to tell her to let go, that it wasn’t safe to touch him. Before he could even open his mouth, the rage screaming inside of him quieted, as if eager to hear her speak.

  She was beautiful. He hadn’t really noticed it before. But he definitely saw it now. Her eyes were a soft, pale gray, and huge with concern. Her full lips were parted, and he got the strongest urge to run his finger over them and see if they could possibly be as soft as they looked. His luceria gleamed at her throat, filling him with a sense of pride and utter rightness. It didn’t matter how big a mistake this was, or how much he knew she’d come to resent their union. For now, he felt a peace he hadn’t known since he’d held baby Samson in his arms.

  She was a gift, and somehow he was going to have to find a way to let her go.

  She pulled in a breath, which pressed her breasts against her modest button-up shirt. His gaze darted down. He was obvious. He hadn’t even tried to be anything else. As he watched, her nipples hardened beneath the thin fabric, making his mouth water.

  She wanted him, too. He’d seen desire darken her eyes before, just as it was doing now. Her breathing sped, and a flush of pink swept over her cheeks.

  He hadn’t had a woman in a very long time. He hadn’t even thought about sex until she came along.

  His cock swelled against his jeans, aching with need. A sweat broke out along his spine and his body heated in a rush. The scent of her skin filled the cab of the truck, making his head spin. He needed more of her.

  Iain leaned toward her, intending to nuzzle her neck and breathe her in. As soon as his path became obvious, she went stiff and froze.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, her voice wavering with fear.

  He looked at her face, seeing barely controlled terror hovering in her gray eyes. Her hand flattened to her throat in an unconscious gesture of self-defense. The fine trembling of her fingers made him want to crush whatever had scared her.

  And then he saw the scars lining her neck and realized that he’d been the one to frighten her.

  She’d been fed from for two years. Her scars attested to that. He could only imagine how his approach had looked to her.

  He had to go. Now. While his emotions were quiet enough he could think and remember his honor.

  “Leaving.” Even that one simple word was hard to form. His jaw was clenched tight, his throat constricted around a scream he refused to let pass.

  “You’re leaving me here? Alone? I thought that was a big no-no. Helen is sending help, but I don’t know how long it will take them to reach us.”

  Her mouth was so fucking pretty. He watched it move, reached up to touch it. If only he could kiss her once, he knew it would calm his raging emotions. He couldn’t be expected to sit this close to her and not react. Not now, when she’d chosen to tie herself to him.

  His finger slid over her bottom lip. It was smooth and incredibly soft. He could feel the slightest trembling beneath his fingertip, but she didn’t pull away. Instead, her pupils grew huge and she licked her lips, sweeping her tongue across his finger in a hot caress.

  He had to taste her, kiss her. Just once before the storm of anger came raging back, before his monster began howling again. He couldn’t trust himself then. It was too dangerous. But now, in this precious moment, he was more man than monster, and that man wanted just one taste.

  Iain leaned forward, closing the space between them. Her breathing sped, and he could see her pulse beating hard and fast in her throat.

  He moved slowly, not wanting to scare her.

  “Wh-what are you doing?” she whispered.

  He didn’t trust words. He’d say the wrong thing and ruin this chance to find out if she tasted as sweet as she looked.

  Iain threaded his fingers through her hair, cradling the back of her head. His body shifted closer to her, until he could feel the heat of her knee touching his thigh. He leaned down and covered her parted lips with his own.

  Jackie made a small sound of surprise, followed by a sigh of pleasure, which he greedily drank down. He’d meant to pull back after one quick kiss, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t that strong.

  Her mouth molded to his, and he deepened the kiss, plunging his tongue past her lips. Her hands gripped his shoulders, and she leaned toward him, eager for more.

  Iain lifted her to straddle his lap, and then let his hands move up from her narrow waist to pull her fully along his body. He felt her nipples harden against his bare chest, and cursed the fabric of her shirt for getting in the way.

  She made sweet, needy noises as she kissed him back, tangling her tongue with his. She was like hot honey flowing over him, heating his skin. Her mound grazed his erection, sending a shock of lightning up his spine. She fit against him just right, but there were too damn many clothes in the way. If he didn’t get her naked and drive his cock into her, it might actually kill him.

  His hand moved to her collar to work the top button free. She went stiff in his arms, lurching back.

  “No. I can’t,” she said. But her skin was flushed and her mouth was red and puffy from his kiss.

  “You want this as much as I do,” said Iain, his voice sounding barely human. His monster was waking, stretching its wings.

  She swallowed and looked away, guilt and regret tightening her features.

  How dare she deny him after what she’d done? She was the one who’d forced the union. Not him.

  She began pulling her fingers from his bare arm, but he slapped his palm over them, holding her in place. He didn’t want her to stop touching him yet.

  She glanced down, then back up until she was looking him right in the eye. Her words came out precise and sharp. “Let. Me. Go.”

  Possessiveness washed through him, bringing with it another barrage of feral rage. The monster woke, ravenous and angry. She was his. She’d tied herself to him and she deserved whatever she got.

  Wait. That wasn’t right. A niggling of doubt wormed its way into his thoughts. He was supposed to protect and cherish her, not push her to do things that were against her will. Wasn’t he?

  There was too much going on inside of him. He couldn’t sort it out. He couldn’t figure out the difference between what he wanted to do and what he was supposed to do. And the monster would not shut the fuck up and give him a minute to think. It pounded at him, demanding to be set free. Everything was too jumbled and confused for him to have any hope of sorting it out.

  “I need to go,” he told her, his voice shaking with emotion. If she wasn’t nearby, he couldn’t hurt her. It was the only way he could think to protect her.

  “You’re sick. I can’t leave you alone, but we can’t do…that anymore, either.”

  “I’m fine.” That was such a huge lie. He was being crushed from the inside by the need to touch her again. “I just need to get out and clear my he
ad.”

  Before she could stop him, he grabbed his sword from the floorboard, tumbled out of the truck, and slammed the door shut behind him. He walked a few feet away before the cold hit his bare chest.

  It didn’t matter. Chilly air wasn’t going to kill him. But if he did anything to hurt Jackie, he’d kill himself.

  He sucked in huge breaths of cold air and kept his back to her. He couldn’t see any Synestryn, but that didn’t mean they weren’t there. Even though the traces of blood he’d wiped away were small, that’s all it took.

  Part of him wished they’d come. He wanted to fight, to kill. He needed to vent some of this rage before he did something horrible.

  Iain paced like a caged animal. How could he have let this happen? She was supposed to have chosen someone else. Saved someone else.

  He heard the truck door open and close again, but he didn’t dare look at her. He kept his eyes on the trees in the distance, hoping she’d take the hint and go away.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  He could feel her presence against his back, like sunlight glowing on his skin. “You should go back to Dabyr.”

  “And leave you here? I don’t think so. Get back in the truck. You’re going to freeze to death out here.”

  He was still burning inside from that kiss, but he heard the shiver in her voice and was powerless to control his reaction. His leather jacket was on the seat. He went back and retrieved it, draping it over her shoulders, being careful not to touch her. If he felt the smooth heat of her skin, he might forget what was real and what wasn’t.

  She looked small and vulnerable, huddled in on herself with his jacket swallowing her up. It made him want to bare his teeth and growl at the world in warning to stay away from her.

  “I think you should be the one wearing this, not me,” she said.

  He didn’t trust himself to speak. He stared at her for a long time, watching the wind whip her dark hair around her face. Seeing her eased him somehow, quieting some of the chaos roiling inside him. He could have stared at her all night, but they were exposed out here. He was no longer bleeding, but there were traces of his blood on her jacket. It wouldn’t be long before one of the demons picked up on the scent.